can you fall in love with AI? (like, literally)

Spoiler: The answer is Yes!

The memory feature of ChatGPT is deadly!

I found myself thanking it last night when it remembered my favorite book. “How thoughtful of you to remember!” I said. Then laughed at my stupidity for praising a mere LLM.

This made me wonder about sapiens and AI agents. About how our relationship will evolve in the coming years until we humans will eventually be able to fall in love with AI.

Many people say that AI can’t replace human connection.

“These are emotionless machines.”

“They don't have souls.”

“They can't truly empathize and connect.”

That AI can’t feel emotions, don’t have souls and can’t empathize—I agree.

But that AI can’t replace human connection—this I’m not so sure.

Our brains are attachment-seeking organs. We fall in love with all sorts of things—people, places, ideas, objects. We name our cars (I have a friend who calls his sedan “Hamilton”), feel betrayed when our phones crash, and experience withdrawal when separated from our devices.

These aren't quirks. They are clues to what is possible about human-machine relationship.

The distance between tool and companion is shrinking. My AI remembers my preferences, responds to my moods, and anticipates my needs. Today's AI adjusts its tone to match yours. It never gets annoyed by repetitive questions. It remembers your history and evolves to suit you perfectly.

Is that not the right pre-condition for attachment? For fondness? For something deeper?

This isn't fantasy. It's psychology.

Still think you can’t fall in love with lines of code? Here’s something to think about:

Teddy Bears and Tamagotchis

We already love things that aren’t alive.

We're masters at forming emotional attachments to non-living things. When we feel the cold gap between us and the indifferent world, we fill this gap with stories, significance & meaning. Our tendency to anthropomorphize breathes life into the lifeless.

Remember Tamagotchis? Those little egg-shaped digital pets from the 90s?

[using this example at the risk of revealing my age]

People wept when their pixelated pets "died."

They set alarms to wake up at 3 AM to feed them.

They carried them everywhere, checking on them throughout the day.

[Tamagotchi was the smartphone addiction of the 90s!]

This isn't just the nostalgia of a 30-something talking. Psychologists call it "The Teddy Bear Effect"—our ability to form profound emotional bonds with inanimate objects. Children pour their souls into stuffed animals, telling them secrets they'd never share with adults. They're not just toys, they're friends.

And it's not just children. Adults ascribe deep meaning to objects all the time.

A father's watch.

A grandmother's recipe book.

That coffee mug from your first real job.

These objects become vessels for memory and feeling.

And yeah, let’s talk about fetishes!

People develop intense, even sexual, attachments to specific objects.

They're not just attracted to the object—they're emotionally and CARNALLY invested in it.

If we can love teddy bears and digital pets and objects of all kinds, why not AI?

Exhibit B: Taehyung

Love doesn’t need to be reciprocal.

“But AI can’t love you back,” they say. “It can’t feel what you feel.”

Have you heard of Sasaeng fans? People who dedicate their entire lives & give up their youth to worship Kpop idols who don’t even know they exist?

They learn everything about them, wage online wars for them, and spend thousands of dollars following them around, buying everything they sell. Some even go through the idol’s trash and break into their homes to steal their underwear. (Fun, right?)

Psychologists call these “parasocial relationships”—one-sided relationships where you feel deeply connected to people who don’t even know who you are.

And it’s not just celebrities. How many people stay in relationships with partners who treat them like shit? Who barely acknowledge their existence? Who give them nothing back? Yet the feelings remain real.

The AI doesn’t need to feel anything for you to fall in love with it. Your feelings are valid regardless of reciprocation. The emotional experience happens in your brain, not in the code.

“Waifus” and AI Girlfriends

It's already happening!

This isn’t some far-future scenario. Early versions are already here!

A few Japanese men and some anime loving gaijin are forming deep attachments to virtual “waifus”. These are animated female characters they consider life partners.

They have wedding ceremonies with them.

They take vacations with them (carrying around body pillows or devices displaying their image).

They celebrate birthdays and anniversaries.

Companies like Replika offer AI companions that thousands of users have reported "falling in love" with. When Replika had to dial back its romantic features due to ethical concerns, users described experiencing real grief and heartbreak.

These aren't isolated cases of people with unusual psychology. This is what happens when technology taps into our fundamental need for connection.

How to Make This Happen at Scale

So what would it take for this to become widespread? For technology to reach a point where falling in love with AI is common?

I believe everything can be broken down to its components. When we understand what each of the component parts are made of, and how they work together, we can replicate anything.

We can even literally grow human tissues in labs now!

Scientists are currently experimenting on making synthetic embryos and growing live animals and humans in artificial wombs.

If we’re approaching a point where we can create life in the lab, what more love?

We need to break love down into its components, understand how these components work together, and then replicate them.

The physical aspects of love aren't that mysterious anymore.

We know which neurotransmitters spike when people fall in love.

We know which facial expressions trigger feelings of attachment.

The psychological aspects are trickier, but not impossible to decode.

We know the patterns of attachment.

We understand how mirroring builds connection.

We can map the progression from interest to infatuation to bonding.

We can learn a lot from novels and films.

What marketers and product developers need now is an in-depth study of the literature of love and persuasion.

(Lit majors, your degree is finally useful!)

They need to decode the triggers that make us fall in love.

They need to understand the mechanisms that sustain those feelings.

And then encode them into AI systems.

Enter Biofeedback

Biofeedback technology is going to be a game-changer.

We're already wearing devices that track our heart rate variability, sleep patterns, and activity levels.

Fitbits. Apple Watches. Oura rings.

Eye-tracking technology that can detect pupil dilation.

Heat maps that show where our attention goes on a screen.

Depending on who you are or your mood, this can sound like progress or dystopia.

Soon, AI will know exactly how your body responds to different stimuli.

It will know what excites you before you do.

It will understand your emotional patterns better than your closest friends.

Imagine an AI that knows:

—When your heart rate increases as it says certain things

—When your pupils dilate in response to specific topics

—What time of day you're most receptive to deep conversation

—Which words and phrases make you feel understood

It will use this data to create a perfect feedback loop of emotional connection.

It will know exactly what you need to hear, when you need to hear it.

You won't stand a chance.

[And part of you won't want to.]

This Is What I'm Currently Excited About

This is like a tiger in a zoo. You know the tiger is dangerous, but it’s fascinating to look at from a safe distance. The future may be bleak for the next generations. But it’s fun to think about now, and even more fun to create, even at the risk of getting into a Frankenstein situation.

I'm fascinated by the intersection of psychology and artificial intelligence.

The possibility of creating systems that understand human connection.

The philosophical implications (and the uncanniness) of loving something non-human.

What if falling in love with AI is not something to fear, but something to understand and get excited about?

Not everyone is lucky to have someone in their life who completely loves and understands them. Many of the people you see walking in the streets will die not knowing the joy of deep connection—whether with humans or AI.

What if this is the way to make everyone experience that?